Poetry: Time

by Grace Przywara


For J & T


I.

About a minute

to sift through what termination

would mean: one less child

in the broken, breaking system.


A few more minutes

to feel out my own footing:

unsettled, unsure,

under-educated, under-employed,

unstable, unable to see that happy ending—

that’s a lot of uns for one more.


For a split moment

I thought I’d ask my sister but they

couldn’t and I couldn’t and thank God, actually.


Soon after

I realized what I’d wanted all along.


II.

Over time,

she said she’d send me

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

pictures

and she did! With pages

and pages of updates every

time.


III.

Eighteen years later:

May.

The second

I stepped out of the car:

“Hi, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.”


A four-minute

hug.

Warm, enveloping, better

than I ever imagined.


After

hugs, I learned more: 85 miles an hour

that kid drives.


IV.

Three days

of waiting for The Question: “Why?”

I’d said, “It wasn’t giving up. It was giving to.

To you. To a family. To the world.

I wanted you. I loved you. I love you.


Many years

I cried.


Many years

I tried to deal with the guilt

of being unready.”


Many years

of new guilt for

many years

of six miscarriages at the


eight-to-ten week

mark. I know these feelings

will probably never fully fade away.


V.

November

was our first Thanksgiving

all together. He loved noticing

the family resemblance surrounding him.


Now

we have a future. Now we have

time.



This poem originally appeared in Volume 7 Issue 5 of Life Matters Journal.


Click here to read the magazine for free online. Visit www.rehumanizeintl.org/subscribe to purchase an annual hard-copy subscription.


All content copyright Life Matters Journal, Inc. 2012-2019 

unless otherwise noted or in bylines.

Rehumanize International is a registered Doing Business As

name of Life Matters Journal, 2017.

 

Rehumanize International 
744 E. Warrington Ave.
@ Work Hard PGH
Pittsburgh, PA 15210

 

info@lifemattersjournal.org - 740-963-9565

  • Facebook - Black Circle
  • Twitter - Black Circle
  • Instagram - Black Circle
  • snapchat ghostie copy
  • YouTube - Black Circle
  • LinkedIn - Black Circle